CAN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AND CHASE YOUR DREAMS?
For me this is a really important topic, because people chasing their dreams are defined by that passion, they’re defined by that dedication they have to their work.
I think if you force someone chasing their dream to choose, you’ll probably lose, but even if you win, you’ll lose, because that person is in love with what they do and its fundamentally part of the very fabric that makes them who they are, it gives them meaning, It’s their purpose.
The funny thing is with people like this, is that the thing which makes them so attractive, also makes them so unbelievably hard to date. On top of that they face ridiculously long hours, 24/7 urgent demands from their career and dreams, overwhelming stress, and even at times when they’re available, they’ll probably seem mentally unavailable.
When you’re in a relationship with someone ambitious who is chasing their dream, the single biggest mistake you can make is trying to compete with their dream.
They may well love you more than their dream, and that’s fine, but a lot of the time, in terms of focus, importance and priority, you will be second place and you have to accept that. Not fight it. That person is already fighting enough battles in their career, in their work, the last thing they need is another battle when they get home.
I think if you force someone chasing their dream to choose, you’ll probably lose, but even if you win, you’ll lose, because that person is in love with what they do and its fundamentally part of the very fabric that makes them who they are, it gives them meaning, It’s their purpose. Asking them to choose is equivalent to asking them to cut off their arm, It will leave them incomplete, and you don’t want an incomplete partner.
My partner would need to embrace the fact that there is no me without my dream. You cannot, and do not attempt to separate the two, this is me. My purpose is me. There is no version of me that comes without the nonstop work, the big dreams and the hustle. If you’re looking for it, you’re already looking for somebody else, and that might be hard to hear.
But this is two-ways, as a ‘dream-chaser’ entering into a relationship, the most important thing I need to know is that I need to communicate consistently, effectively, and most importantly, honestly from the very start. I need to set the rules of engagement from the very start and be honest with my partner about what they’re getting into, and explain to them that we cannot be a couple, we have to be a team, and like all good teams we need a shared goal, and if you’re aspirations aren’t aligned, then it’s time to admit that it’s already over.
But it can work and if it does work, like every great team, you will become greater together than the sum of your parts.